Thursday, June 7, 2007

The Liberation of Paris

"Equal rights for all, special privileges for none"

What an extraordinary sentence! One that embodies the essence of the American system of government; one that this nation has constantly embraced as fundamental to our very purpose for existence. A uniquely American yet organically human creed.

And completely irrelevant when it comes to Paris Hilton.

Yes, yes, yes; I have heartfelt sympathy for anyone who finds himself in prison. It's not pleasant; I don't have to have ever gone to know that. But bluntly put, prison cells are occupied on a reservation-only basis. You do the crime, you do the time as the saying goes. So why does a rich, young, bodacious ("beautiful" is a strong, deceiving word these days) blond do the crime but not the time?

Because that just wouldn't look good on Drudge.

This is clearly case of media-consciousness on the part of the Sheriff who confined Ms. Hilton to house arrest. Overblown reports of rampant disease in the cell and emotional trauma in Ms. Hilton had their way with the justice system, and Ms. Hilton can now serve her sentence in the comfort of a million dollar mansion and with the companionship of million dollar guests.

I honestly wish I could drop some sort of verbally brilliant, sarcastically poignant bomb here. But it's just too simple to overplay. Paris Hilton received favored treatment from the justice system because of her

1) Wealth

2) Sex (both literally and figuratively)

3) Looks

4) Family

(in that order)

Pathetic is a good word for all this. It's not as clever as the occasion deserves, but it's still close enough.

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